Meet The Parents
My mother was a person I never wanted to bring anyone around because she would rip them to shred. I liked the people too much to subject them to that. At times, it seemed she got some type of pleasure out of doing this. My brother was the opposite he could have brought any type of woman to meet her and she would be nice.
My dad is very cool, laid back and a lot as though I imagine I will be when Aiyana is at the age where she is seeing someone. Gulp, did I just say that? Hopefully, Aiyana won’t be interested in anyone until I’m old and senile by that time I won’t care who she brings to see me.
I believe the Big C will be meeting the parents this Christmas holiday. I causally mentioned it to my brother and sister-in-law, and well now they my sister-in-law are making it into a big thing. The only reason why he would be meeting them is that might be the only time I get to see him.
The Big C is a naval officer and currently he is away for about a month. Since I’ve known him he has been away five times. Four of those times he’s been to Iraq. At times it’s hard to believe that I’ve known him for almost three years but it’s true. I imagine part of the reason its so hard to believe is because he has been away five times. Four of those times he’s been to Iraq that really can put a lot of pressure on a relationship.
I surely do miss him which means I’m doing more in my day to keep me focused on other things. Anyway I know he will be back at the end of this month. He has his pilot license and will be flying up to see me for a few days. The thing is I believe while he is in town I have a family event to attend at my brother’s house since I won’t be seeing him too much this coming year (he’ll be gone for six months in the springtime) naturally I want to see him whenever I can, right? Now, it seems at least with one of my family members it’s a big thing. Hopefully, my mother has mellowed over the years.
She rarely saw the people I hung out with although my father did. He’s very cool and my favorite parent. The main reason why is that he is accepting of me though I’m not like him? He gave my respect. I’ll never forget that. I’m fairly selective so anyone I’m with is an ok person. The last time she snapped too hard. I cut off contact with her for three years. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. I just got tired of the negativity, and talking wasn’t doing anything. She wasn’t listening to me. That really annoyed me.
There was more in that story than I’m going to talk about but lets just say I got to the point where I could not take it anymore I didn’t want to be driven nuts every single day so I cut off contact. Not too many people have driven me to that point but if you constantly disrespect me it will happen. I don’t care who you are. I stopped talking to her.
In many ways, my mother and I are alike. We both are very direct, aggressive, Type A personality, trust me it can be a good thing. However, when I was younger she wanted me to be a certain way. She had a hard time accepting that I’m an individual not a carbon copy of her. That caused a lot of friction.
I’m stubborn and direct (but respectfully she raised me to be that way) I told here often she needed to quit trying to make me into her. In her mind even as a young adult I still was the child that needed to be told what to do. Attempting to force an individual to do something when they are a child might work, but they are mainly doing it because they have no choice.
My mothers parenting style were similar to a dictator. It was her way or no way. It didn’t seem to effect my brother as much as it did me but with my personality I wasn’t liking that too much. Attempting to force someone to do something at lets say twenty-one might not have the same effect because I can always leave which is exactly what I did.
I contacted my mother three years after I stopped talking to her. It happened to be on mothers day truthfully I could have gone on through life not talking to her again, but I did because well I was past that and willing to move on. In some ways, my mother is still the same, but the difference now is I don’t have to be around it as I did when I was a child.
In my late twenties, my mother would do things like buy toys for her grandkids. I didn’t have children at the time neither did my brother. Although I loved children I had no desire to have any until I was at least thirty five? At the time, my brother could not stand children. He now has an eight-month old baby that he’s very proud of (and so am I) They adopted the boy when he was four months old.
I didn’t want any children in my twenties because I didn’t have the time to commit to a child. I wanted to do what I wanted to do before I would even think to bringing a child into this world. I knew that having children was a lot of work. I was not willing to commit to that. At least I realized that, right?
I do think my mother is disappointed that I’m not married yet. She married at twenty-three, and here I am fourteen years later still single. As I patiently explained to her after our last “Why you aren’t married yet” sessions I didn’t want to marry just anyone. If I wanted to be married, I could have been married by now there were plenty of opportunities they just aren’t the right one for me. I want more.
Hopefully, she won’t get to excited if she sees the Big C this holiday.
Question: How did your parents/loved ones react when they met someone you dated?
[tags]family, holiday[/tags]
on December 7th, 2007 at 9:04 am
I did six years in the Navy and I know what you mean about deployments. I can’t believe he’s been sent out five times - that’s insane. When we would deploy for six-months, you could almost bet that at least 20 percent of the people you knew would be getting divorced upon returning. Most were younger couples, but it still takes a toll on the relationship. Six months is a long time. I wish Big C well and pray for his (and all others over there) safety. Send my regards.
You’re doing things right regarding the kid/marriage thing. It’s all good. It’s just not old-school, which makes it hard to understand for some people. I did almost the same as you, so you’re in good company.
pete’s last blog post..Sunset on a Cold Day
on December 7th, 2007 at 9:31 am
Pete,
My cousin’s husband has been there three times. He got out of the military shortly after his return the last time. One of my cousins was over there twice in less than a year. It is insane, and I can now see how it can affect a relationship. I think people cannot comprehend what is going on over there and why the person might not be able to communicate as much. I had some ideas before and being in the situation now I definitely get it. Those in the military have no control of that so it would be unfair of me to make unnecessary demands on him. It’s stressful enough for them. I don’t need to make the situation worse.
Depending on your unit you might not be able to communicate with your loved ones. I’m in a similar situation. The first time he was in Iraq was a nightmare I did not hear from him for a few weeks. With all the killings that were going on naturally I was wondering if he was amongst the wounded or dead. The last time he went over. He went first and then his troop followed later.
The past few weeks have been tough but I have good friends/family that I chat with they always ask me about him or how I’m doing. That is fabulous. It’s nice having people ask about me for a change. I’m usually the one doing that, lol.
he’ll be back in Iraq eventually he’s already told me that. I’m really not looking forward to it again.
Re: Marriage
Yes I agree the waiting until you are ready is hard for some people to understand.
on December 7th, 2007 at 9:52 am
My parents were really the opposite. I wish they had cared more about who was in life.
Beth Ellen’s last blog post..Terragen Landscapes
on December 7th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Wow. Funny, I had suspected that there were or was an issue between you and your mom because you never really blog about her although you have mentioned your dad many times. It is too bad that you two had a relationship like that and I hope it improves because it is nice to have your parents in your life. But I can certainly understand the other side where if it is constantly wearing you down then you really don’t need the relationship. I will be hoping all goes well with the meeting.
teeni’s last blog post..More Fun or Just More Approachable?
on December 7th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Beth Ellen,
There is a happy medium isn’t there. I know we’ll do better with out girls. ;-)
Teeni,
I’ve actually written about some of my experiences with my mom on this blog. I believe the only one that reads my blog now that has read those entires is TigerYogiji. I don’t write about her much. On a positive note my experience as a child showed me what not to do with my daughter.
on December 8th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
MY mom actually took it better then i thought she would! LOL! but, she didnt like it lol.
kaylee’s last blog post..Thanks
on December 9th, 2007 at 3:12 am
After my grandmother met my wife in 1973, she called my mom to warn her that she wasn’t going to like my new bride, who I had met and married while stationed away from home.
My mom and I are not close. The last time I saw her was 5 years ago when she was in the hospital for surgery. Not long after that, she and my step-dad moved from western Nebraska - where they were 12 hours away - to coastal Virginia, which is 20 hours away.
In the summer of 1962, Mom left my sister and I with her parents when she went chasing off across the US of A after her second husband. I spent the summer of ‘65 with her and her third husband in a rundown apartment - no air conditioning - near downtown Houston. In the summer of ‘67, after 5 years with my grandparents, I went to Texas to live with her and step-dad #3. My sister had already been there a year.
My grandmother bamboozled my dad into believing she had legal custody of my sister and I. She didn’t, but he didn’t think he had a chance of custody - and probably thought we were better off with my middle-class grandparents. In ‘64, he took his wife and their two kids off to California in search of a better life. Of course, being a kid, I didn’t understand. Between 1964 and 1995 - 31 years - I saw my dad and my four youngest siblings exactly one time.
There’s much more history, of course. Mom has been married to step-dad #4 (or is it #5?) for 34 years. She basically raised my sister’s two kids. I usually visit my dad and stepmom every couple of years, but next summer, they are moving out to Oregon to be closer to my half-siblings out there.
Now, I’m going to see my mom again in a different hospital, where she is going to have surgery.
Mike’s last blog post..Heading to Virginia in the morning
on December 10th, 2007 at 7:18 am
kaylee,
I think at times parents can be over protective. Then again, at times, they do have good reasons but still they have to allow their children to make their own decisions.
Mike,
At times are loved ones will do things because they think it’s best for us. Thats not always the case. I hope you have a safe trip and I hope all goes well with your mother.